I have a loud voice, the kind that can wake up a whole house and sometimes when I find something really hysterical I have a laugh that sounds like a scream (I kid you not). I’ve always felt best in bold red lips and sexy over the top rockstar outfits, I loathe beige. But there is still a huge part of me that wants to “fit in” eww admitting that feels yucky! I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve shrunk myself because I was afraid people wouldn’t like me. Everytime I did this it killed me a little more inside until I felt like no one knew the real me…
I’m tired of hiding. It’s exhausting to spend most of your time worrying about what other people think of you and I just don’t have the energy to do it anymore (thank f$cking God). My favourite artists are the ones who push buttons and boundaries and I love them for that. Musicians like David Bowie, Prince, and Lady Gaga help liberate us all with their wacky, bold and fearless music! I have always longed to be like that but have never given myself permission until now to break down my walls of fear.
I am very lucky to have some amazing mentors, co-writers and teachers in my life who challenge me to step out of my comfort zone and boldly be who I am. It’s messy and vulnerable but it’s also incredibly freeing! You're gonna be seeing and hearing new things outta me. I may surprise you… I might even shock you… but I might just set you free!
I have a confession to make... this morning I was considering not writing a blog for January because I didn't know what to write. I had tried a few half baked ideas like writing a fresh take on New Years resolutions because everyone needs to read more about that, lol!
While sometimes if you are patient enough inspiration comes your way. I've always been a very ambitious person. Even as a kid I had lists that I would count out on my fingers of all the fabulous careers I was gonna have - singer, actress, clothes designer, writer, interior decorator, dancer and the list goes on. I remember looking at the clock, bored in school as the hours dragged by, day dreaming in my head that if only I wasn't in class I could be working and doing what I loved. Adult life ain't that simple but I'm still a dreamer.
Some New Years I've jumped into goal setting with great enthusiasm only to find myself depressed by my lack of accomplishments. I have been racking my brain and searching my soul for the secret formula to make this year different. I could bore you with a list of self righteous observations of what it takes to make the most of your year but I'm sure that you, like me, have had more than your fill of this kind of talk on Facebook and Twitter and on the cover of every magazine. Sometimes our lofty good intentions backfire and turn into heavy weights on our shoulders. Not a person I talk to now a days doesn't feel the pressure of too much of much. So I've decided to put my focus on a softer goal which is going to effect everything in my life. NO MORE BEATING MYSELF UP!!!
I've had enough of the constant critic living in my mind. It is perhaps the cruelest voice of all, echoing past hurts and shames, making me feel bad about all the mistakes I've made, all the chances I've missed, how I should be further along by now and then my personal favourite beating myself up for beating myself up for beating myself up, cause that makes sense?! This voice may never go away completely but if I can soften the volume, open my heart and take a step away from perfection I'm not only gonna be a lot happier, but I will feel lighter and healthier and that's gonna give me a lot more energy to go after my dreams!
Come on give it a try with me, what do you have to lose... ;)